Turning 40

Aha, is this a mistake? No, this is not. Even though I am turning 30, I would be willing to write for the next 10 years. I am feeling like I am 5 years older in mind than in body aging. Also, I usually don't like living in the past, but prefer not to open up too much about the present life and would be likely to discuss the future more. As a consequence, 40 is the milestone that I want to write the most at the moment. However, It is weird to say nothing about this 3rd 10-year-old birthday. I therefore just write a few lines for it.

30 is a beautiful age! Not in the noble way when I was 10, nor in the way full of explosion when I was 20, but it is beautiful like a ripe fruit, with an irresistible flourish at taste and smell. People in the half way of the "60 years of life" (a popular Vietnamese song, 60 năm cuộc đời) would no longer fool around as they did in their youth, nor whose heart is full of sorrows like one of those in their old age. An age of balance, when health is more or less worn out, time is already used and money has come and gone, but if you have tried and got enough luck, the amount of experience would be just enough for you to smile at the past, to thank it for making you who you are today and continue to roll up your sleeves to prepare for the great future.

There will be less or no more all night long parties, since you value moderate activities, like a good and deep sleep, more than irregular fun time. You know better what you need to eat, to drink to keep your body strong and healthy; also, you know how to reduce or say no to foods and drinks that gradually damage your body, because you tried it, experienced it, and now know the consequence in advance. One thing for sure is that, when we fall ill badly, we may not afford the treatment fee, and even after being cured, the health condition may not be as good as it was before. For example, instant noodles are cheap and tasty, but have little nutritional value and contain a lot of flavor enhancers, preservatives and salt. Coke is great for mental pleasure, but the body is not happy because of the unintentional intake of sugar. Despite sugar-free or zero-sugar alternatives, artificial sweeteners do not actually bring positive benefits to the body. Food, in addition to being fresh and clean, must be cooked properly so that the final dish is delicious and retains the most source nutrients without producing toxic components through the cooking process. The burnt rice (cơm cháy) is yummy, but do not eat it too burned. The seasoning powder (bột nêm) gives it more flavor but also has a lot of sweeteners and synthetic flavorings. Reducing the consumption of industrial food, cooking for yourself or eating/drinking moderately outside are some ideas to eat more healthily.

Some people argue that, under inevitable circumstances, they have to accept such a diet, that is, less healthy, but they will eat better with having more money. A big no no, I strongly disagree ! Healthy eating doesn't always mean consuming expensive and nutritious food. Vegetables, meat, and starch are available everywhere and accessible to everyone. Why are you clinging to the reason that you are not ready to change your mind to justify an old bad habit. I used to be like that, but different in attitude. I admit I had not-so-good eating habits and I needed time to change, along with the preparation process of knowledge, awareness, and economic conditions to make that big leap. As a friend once shared with me, when she realized that there were better choices to make, she would rather eat less but healthily than eat a lot of things that are likely harmful to the body, whether in the short or long term.

There will be no more aimless times wandering around to let time pass in vain. You no longer have all the time you want to experience everything you need, and now it is time to pick out what is worth trying, on priority, simply because you lost time to learn its priceless value and how to use it more wisely. You may not need to wait until 30 years old to realize how to live responsibly and respect your own and others' time, if you pay enough attention to learn lessons from your past as well as others’. Being in the age of 30 is a nice time to start creating core values that really matter to you and the society. Time is a multi-valued item that everyone has but uses differently. Only when you understand this, do you not find it strange why 'adults' tend to be afraid to disturb others, or much appreciate the time and effort others give them even just for the smallest things (which is not really the case in Vietnam where social standards are in more simple form). With having enough experiences, you would realize that no one can judge anyone about the best use of time. Each person has his or her own life experience path to take, and no path of a person completely coincides with another's at any given time. Therefore, instead of being strongly critical, let's encourage each other with a better mindset: whatever you do, as long as it makes you better than you were yesterday, is fine. ‘Better' implies more knowledge, more skills, more love, more sympathy, etc. which are positive and good values ​​that should be practiced in life.

Young people are often afraid of making mistakes, going in the wrong direction, often doubting the future. Older people fear them as well, and even worse because they have more valuable things to lose, and it is not as easy for them to get back up after a failure as when they were younger. The only thing strong enough to guide the young is faith (and to the old, it is life experience). Believe in yourself, believe in a bright future where you will shape it. I've seen a lot of young people with low self-esteem (most of whom are from Eastern cultures like Asia; though people on the other side are better at this, they still have other serious problems). The behaviors are numerous: doing things not as well as his or her peers, witnessing the successes of more mature people, seeing the achievements of younger generations, and even seeing nothing (disorientation, lost in life) can threaten his or her self confidence. Moderation in self-deprecating behaviors is actually a good source of motivation to try better and push yourself beyond your limits. However, it will be miserable if you let it take all over you. Lack of proper control is a common weakness among young people, which is also the root cause of many other social issues. In any case, we need to learn how to get up from mistakes and experience all ups and downs as much as possible, especially when we are young, so that life in the middle and old age would be easier. My father used to say a short but profound sentence: "Live a hard life first, it will become easier later". I interpret that, there is no guarantee of a happy future that lasts forever, it is just that from today on doing and trying your best, at least the future could not be so bad, you will not be likely stuck in a dead end; That is one thing for sure to happen, and you can always go up to anywhere from that point, step by step.

There will be no more struggling to find your own value, because now you know what values ​​you have and how to use and develop them reasonably. Gone are the days when you wondered what you were good at or why others do a certain job better than you do, and vice versa. With the condition that you have spent time and effort to learn and grow, now that the sprout of your soul has become a mature tree, no matter which direction and how high it grows, contributes to making a beautiful big green forest. Believe in yourself and continue to keep it up ! Do not let life lead you to nowhere, or a place where a fish is judged by its ability to climb a tree (Albert Einstein). There are a lot of beautiful values in life ​​to uphold. Once you know your values, you will see where the values of other people are. Any good value is precious, and you gradually learn to accept the differences between you and the rest of the world, to join the flow of colorful life, to live in harmony with other dependent and independent people. By going beyond where a country border is defined or a language is spoken, I can see the big big world that I could have never known if I chose to stay. Every philosophy statement is just an observation from a certain point of view, and never means absolutely right. For example, the act of speaking in public that "Vietnamese people are highly patriotic and peace-loving" can mislead people, especially the young, into unconsciously thinking that this is the iconic values of the Vietnamese, and that people from other countries can not compete with them in this aspect?". It is not always easy to go further in life experience and clearly see inevitable differences of things, to know where the difference is and learn to accept the diversity of expressions of an idea. However, the more you try, the more you see that every certain social group is equally patriotic in their own way to their family, their country, their ethnicity, and so on; and that only one dove wing does not make peace. It is not easy to understand yourself first, then understand where you are in society, but these are essential steps to grow as a person. The more you understand, the more peace of mind you get.

Young people often doubt their current values, while older people tend to hold on to the fear of renewing themselves. When you are young, the only way to create values is to learn and practice. Due to the short learning time and lack of experience, the newly gained values tend to be challenged in the near future. I have a close friend whom I see as an adopted daughter because she, despite her young age of around 20, has beautiful precious values ​​that other people (both in Vietnam and France) usually miss and forget. Particularly, she wants to have pure love without much expectation or conditions. Not innocent first loves in high school, not yet a mature love having gone through years of countless happiness and sorrows. What she seeks is in the middle, a peaceful, sincere and healthy love. After all, it is a beautiful concept, but due to her lack of experience, the ideas are not yet fully developed. She has loved in the way she wanted, loved such a person that she could find, but she could not control everything. The guy who loved her is sometimes not being himself, then she would suddenly go crazy and angry. He also sometimes makes mistakes, then she would find it hard to know which to accept or which to forgive. He would accidentally hurt her a few times, then she considered the pain she felt as if the Earth stopped spinning. That is not to mention the times when she no longer even knew herself, who she was and what she wanted, behaved like a mess, and then blamed herself for everything. After these emotional shocks, she started to wonder what she did wrong. She knew she was too young to know all the answers for her deep inside doubts, had an enormous ego to deal with and immature behavior to moderate, but she gradually questioned the existence of the love that she once knew and believed in. “Do I need to be clever in love to find the right person at the right time?” - She once wondered. “But if so, would the new mindset lead me to the love that I am looking for?” she continued, and went on and on with tons of doubts. “Oh dear,” I said to her, “you are still young to try out things and keep learning from mistakes. Just pick a way that you think is the most suitable at the moment to go, then you will surely do better later.” Easy paths have never been a part of mature and experienced people’s journey.

I had that time, too. It took me time and courage to try and learn new things that not only are good to keep but also are debatable to deal with, especially when they have a conflict with other ‘older things’ in the same class. The story is that from a young age I was raised with the principle of honoring the elderly and family order. Things would probably have gone smoothly if I hadn't met some shit adults that I could bare to practice that idea. At the age of 23, the crisis of human values in me ​​began. I was stubbornly proud when I discovered culture fraud: an acquaintance of my parents who were rude to anyone else but children (or at least, not yet in front of me) required me to have the highest regard for him at all times (with words and attitude), and my parents were okay with that idea as I was much younger in both age (20 years apart) and life experience, and as studying should be my only concern, not raising my personal voice or opinion. Later on, whenever I knew someone older, the default attitude of honor is no longer there, but instead a social respect, until I'm sure they're worth my voluntary honor. I argued with my parents that not every time I meet an unknown older person, or even an aunt or uncle in the family, I have to honor them right away. What about someone younger than me, do I have the privilege of being honored when we don't know each other? Even if we know each other, so what, why can't we honor each other fairly and voluntarily? That's not to say I'm supporting the rebellion (innovation?!) and the oversized ego of youth. I believe it is enough to keep a respectful attitude, but honoring one is another story. A few years later, the extreme stubbornness started to calm down, and I became more empathetic. Understand that everyone has a certain value, maybe I haven't seen it yet. Understand that they must have some value that I have not properly appreciated. Also understand that, even if their values ​​are clearly empty or false, this is when they need my help to discover themselves and find a better replacement. Pay it forward ! I myself cannot realize which value should be built for my life and where the values are positioned in society. I deeply thank all inspirational people, old and young, big and small, extraordinary or ordinary, for having walked through my life, allowing me to learn and grow, to become who I am today.

There will be no more blah blah.. about money, morality, profession, love, etc., well, I should stop writing as if 30 years old was already the end of life. Noting a few ideas for 3 main parts, health, time and life values, is already good for this article. I will tell you more in future posts.

Well, 40 years old as stated in the title, what did I write? I'm going a bit gaga. Attempting to write a few paragraphs for this anniversary and now it has been 4 pages. Folks, I’m sorry that I won’t be writing for 40 years old as stated. Probably this is enough, ending here, so that I will be able to look back to see how much I will have grown, to see if I change my mind or probably become a real bitch at the age of 40. You see, the older I get, the higher my manipulation skill gets, ahaha... So hey, I'll stop here. See you in the next post.

A greeting to 30 years old!

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