When words connect to the heart | MDS 2024#7

These last months of the year have an atmosphere different from the others. This is the time for workload wrapping before the holidays, planning for travels and visits during the days-off, preparation for the next year, so on. Among those, there is always a nostalgic moment that comes to us, all of a sudden. Meaning, we tend to think about what has happened in the year, what we did, what’s been gained and lost. This is also a valuable time to look back at ourselves and think deeply. This year, I have thoughts for my French learning journey. During almost 10 years living in France, there are not only happiness but also sorrows, ups and downs, and anything in between. In this writing, I’ll talk more about self transformation in learning the language that helps me live better, rather possitively.

Merry bloody Christmas Everyone ! :)))

From simple and basic words

Going back to when it first started, I took 2 basic French courses in Vietnam before moving to France for my master study. My English was already good enough to give me a reassuring confidence to communicate with the world, or at least not to get lost or to put myself in unknown, risky situations. My intention is to take the same habit that I have had and practiced in Vietnamese, that is the use of 3 basic words: Bonjour (Hello), Merci (Thank you) and Désolé (Sorry). The noble thought I had in mind was to keep myself being as much polite as possible in French conversations because even if I behave badly in an unconscious way, people will forgive me more easily. The same idea goes to whether I make mistakes and acknowledge it with a ‘sorry’, consequences will be less serious. Saying “Thank you” will simply help me get rid of moody people!!.. Well okay, just kidding, that was not noble at all, but you get the idea. In daily formal conversations, these 3 words are basically used in almost every culture, no matter how different people are. I told myself, knowing that I couldn’t speak fluently and correctly French from the start, that taking the initiative of using these words would be very helpful. Despite all well-thought preparations I make in advance, surprises always find their ways to show up and teach me lessons with the least expected cost. During the early time staying in France in 2016, in Paris more precisely, there was a moment that I got lost in a transit subway station where I was overwhelmed by the sophistication of connection networks, the underground navigation and the significant flow of people. I was quite panic as I couldn’t even find a way out to the surface. In such situation, help is urgently needed. Therefore, I quickly grabbed someone nearby (usually staff members of the place) and asked for directions directly. A security man is whom I met, and he turned towards me with a neutral face, insisting on saying only one word: “Bonjour ! BONJOUR !” (Hello ! I said HELLO !!). I quickly got the message. I should have been calm and started with a “Bonjour” (a French salutation word) first, before anything else. Fortunately, the cost was nothing, but the lesson was seriously taken. For the whole good 8 years of living in France that follows, only the French (some) forget to greet me with a Bonjour, not me in any circumstances.

For the whole good 8 years of living in France that follows, only the French (some) forget to greet me with a Bonjour, not me in any circumstances.

That is the formality standard in France. Yet, in Vietnam the case is quite identical, I notice. Probably, the fact that I’m used to dealing with the birthplace and the native tongue makes me pay less attention to the situation where the formality is not respected. For your info, my name in Vietnamese means “Politeness of most concern”. It would be ironic for me to lead a life that is in contrast to the meaning of my given name, isn’t it? Or, imagine if I am in a life-threaten situation and make an emergency call to 911, I will still begin with a “hello” at the pickup before yelling for help. Well, rather a joke for this cultural thing. In short, it’s true that one way or another, the formality should be established between strangers, and that in the shifting process between cultures, getting to know and practicing cultural ways of doing are the key to prevent misunderstandings.

To connecting to people’s heart, including mine

Until yesterday, after a trip to a pharmacy, I realize the difference I can make in communication with the locals after years of learning French with the learning approach mentioned above. When the purchase was done and I was about to leave, as usual I said “Merci et Bonne journée !” (Thank you and have a good day !). What caught my attention is a returning wish that was really sincere, “Bonne journée à vous aussi !” (Good day to you, too !), from the pharmacist, together with a bright smile on her face, which is not common to see among the French or in French society. From her sweet intonation to candid facial expression, I felt all the sincerity that warmed my heart, like it comes from an old friend. This nice ending is the result of what we exchanged earlier. I reminded her of my expired health insurance card and presented my digital one which is up-to-date. She then requested me to send it to the pharmacy’s email. I did that on my phone instantly yet she didn’t get it. Then, she pointed out that mobile signals here were usually weak that I should make sure my mail would be sent successfully. I tried to take my phone outside for a better signal reception and everything went smoothly after. The problem is unexpected and is solved thanks to the effort of both sides, no matter from which reason the problem comes or from whom it is. I was thankful for her accurate, efficient and kind help. The moment I said thank you, I wasn’t thinking much. Not until when I came back home, I thought about what happened there and the implied message from it. Lately, I realize that I have made a transformation in learning French. I didn’t notice that I now can speak it fluently at ease without worrying much about misunderstandings or vocabulary constraints, despite my unavoidable Vietnamese accent influence, occasional pronunciation and grammar mistakes. Above all, I no longer carry a burden stress in every word I say that would also significantly stress out the person with whom I speak. This concern was one of the problems I faced as a new learner. It happened in Paris when I wanted to ask about rent invoice whose listing details were not clearly presented for me to understand. A residence staff, to whom I spoke with, misunderstood that I accused him of stealing or a scam, and he promptly turned to be upset and angry with me, in the meanwhile, on my side I didn’t even know what was happening and the reason why he reacted that way. Later on, when I came back home, I guessed my lack of natural way of speaking could be the reason. Or, simply because he had had a bad day and dealing with my question was just the last straw.

.. the word “merci” has connected to my heart to express the candid gratitude, in the same way that I have done with “cảm ơn” in Vietnamese, and “thank you” in English.

Not all time we are up for 100% sincerity, but once it is the case, the word “merci” has connected to my heart to express the candid gratitude, in the same way that I have done with “cảm ơn” in Vietnamese, and “thank you” in English. I have learned the way to use the sincerity on different circumstances depending on the time, the place and the person. In general, I put the sincerity at the foundation, with kindness as a guiding star, because we would never know what the person we speak with has been through until the moment we meet up. It’s better to start with kindness, even though not easy and convenient to do every time, so that we can avoid any unfavorable escalation. In the long run, who knows what we can get in return for being nice at first !? Take my story as an example. The mother of my partner had a good impression on me despite the fact that I could barely make thorough conversations with her during Christmastime at her place. She said to me that she likes my natural straightforward behaviors and that I do greet and show my caring attention, with simple words “Bonjour” and “Comment vas-tu?” to her every morning we see each other in the house. Again, despite the language barrier that restrains us from getting closer with deeper sharing, she would willingly give me her patience and forgiveness to arrange all other difficulties, from the simplest things like different eating habits to her family conflicts relating to a new member.

Not until the third language, I begin to look back at how I properly use my mother tongue, Vietnamese. Apart from new personality, new experiences, etc. that I venture with foreign languages, there is also a unique opportunity for me to appreciate and reserve Vietnamese. I even fall in love with my mother tongue again. This is still true to the French when I show them the observations that I have as a foreigner, whose perspective is largely different from theirs. French is a beautiful language, but it doesn’t mean other languages are not as beautiful. There are a lot of complaints the French make every day, yet they often forget to appreciate what they currently have as the results of years of fighting and revolutions. Briefly, what is exchanged in multi-culture context is a better attitude when we deal with problems that seem to be stuck or hopeless. Life perspectives become wider.

-- About My daily stories : a mini series of posts telling the life stories that I experience, often related to the moral aspect and I want to dedicate a place to honor nice gestures and kindness in life. A pretty flower can make a bright new day for one or more people in this crazy world. No one can teach anyone else about morality, but we always have the choice to be as kind as possible. I will also narrate in 3 languages (Vietnamese, English and French) to have multicultural perspectives because this is the environment I live in (a Vietnamese living in France loving to speak English 😁).